An Excuse to Write

2007-03-04T00:18:00.000+05:30

I just realized what the perfect antidote to Leaving on a Jet Plane is.

Just one of those things
(written by Cole Porter; I have the Ella Fitzgerald version)

It was just one of those things
Just one of those crazy flings
One of those bells that now and then rings
Just one of those things

It was just one of those nights
Just one of those fabulous flights
A trip to the moon on gossamer wings
Just one of those things

If we'd thought a bit before the end of it
When we started painting the town
We'd have been aware that our love affair
Was too hot not to cool down

So good-bye, dear, and amen
Here's hoping we meet now and then
It was great fun
But it was just one of those things

My First Poster

2006-06-08T16:35:00.000+05:30

A friend got me this. It fits in so perfectly with my room. Just the right size for that space of wall; even the colour of the bedsheet matches. This room finally looks mine.

2006-05-19T19:18:00.000+05:30

I miss my brother for one very important reason. He is my black hole for gossip/opinions/theories - whatever I tell him stays with him, in a galaxy far far away from mine. Nothing I tell him is likely to come back and bite me. Now that he's away, I have to remind myself to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I forget other people talk too. I could've avoided some recent faux pas if I'd just called him up and vented.

Its not that I don't have anyone to talk to outside my house. I thankfully get my regular dose of conversation and random small talk, just not with anyone as perfect as my brother. You need someone like that - who you can just tell (almost) everything on your mind, who's biased towards you, who's known you (relatively) forever, and who will laugh at your stupid insider jokes and vice-verca. Plus, bhaiya analyzes the smallest thing as much as I do; so we can talk for hours.

Back to Basics

2006-05-19T12:02:00.000+05:30

I'm finally brushing up on my multiplication tables. I probably haven't given them any thought since I mastered the tables of 12; which means my powers of calculation have remained static for a decade. This has been long overdue. I've even roped in my mother, so its really going back.

Mummy prefers the sing-song method of learning; though I draw the line at her trying to drone along with me. Then she gets to drill me while I stare at the fan or pace around the room. If she wasn't in the room I'd still be doing that, but numbers would quickly be the last thing on my mind.

I'm getting a kick out of this, similar to the rush you get when you start exercising regularly. But then I haven't even kept this up for a week, so I better not think of any more resolutions.

PS: The perfect song for this is Homework (Do Ekum Do) from Darna Mana Hai.

PPS: Telling people I'm practicing calculating often provokes a few to throw some random numbers at me. If I get it wrong, I won't hear the end of it. If I get it right, I might be informed that they don't know either, so - whatever.

Thursday Morning

2005-08-11T10:42:00.000+05:30

Deep sleep with dreams imbibed in logic that makes complete sense within it. Waking up devoid of any discontent. Driving class early in the morning. Being placed in the driver's seat straight away - not unlike being pushed into a swimming pool. The feel of the clutch, accelerator and, occassionally, the break under my feet. The inscrutability of the steering wheel. Going back to sleep. A quiet breakfast in the absence of the bustle of people who have places to go and things to do. A reasonably empty house around mid-morning. A slight breeze. Music and half a cup of coffee.

A cold that make all these even more special.

Looking out for moments

2005-08-05T21:40:00.000+05:30

This is an assignment I'm going to enjoy immensely. I have to look out for incidents over the next few days. It can be any snippet of life that comes across as interesting to me. I like this role of an observer being thrust upon me; I usually walk around in my own bubble, with reality an intrusion I could do without.

A woman wearing a white salwar-kurti with a blue printed dupatta, along with two others, passed by a man with a black leather bag. Both realized that her dupatta had got stuck to his bag, only after they were a metre away from each other and her dupatta was pulled away from her shoulder. A rather quaint scene - filmi, really. Everyone - the woman, her companions and the man - turned around to face each other at the same time.
A guy (late teens - early twenties) was sitting alone, in a corner of Cha Bar in Oxford Bookstore, sipping his beverage. It seemed that he'd been sitting there for some time now, completely engrossed in his book. Nothing extraordinary in itself, but I have rarely seen anyone do that in Calcutta and my own attempts have been in vain. Then again, the place was much more conducive to such activity than others - no intrusive music, few customers (small place, really), tables spaced out and set in a bookstore. And from what I could make out, the guy's mobile was on discreet and he was screening his calls. He didn't seem to be waiting for anyone. I wonder what was he reading? Did he plan to buy the book? Was he a regular there? Did he do this often? Was he just passing time?
Around three pm, there is a traffic jam around Xaviers school, unique to well-populated schools surrounded by small streets and flanked by bigger roads housing offices and markets. Every availible space is utilized, really. In the middle of all this is a white ambassador clearly going against the tide, or rather the one-way direction. It is filled with school kids and any doubts concerning who would attempt such a stunt at such an hour is quickly cleared by the red shiny number-plate declaring it to be the property of the Government of India. Car pool duty?
A man carrying a piece of paper was genuinely muttering to himself as he walked on the road. (I've never actually seen people do that, except in books and movies) It was something about the stupid place he can't find and the stupidity of sending him to do whatever work he had to do. The second he finished his harangue, he swiveled right to ask a man, sitting at a roadside dhaba, for directions. At this point I walked past him and knew no more of his elusive destination.
A girl at a restaurant checked two chairs for any rocking movement, then exchanged her own chair at the table seating her party with one of them. But she wasn't satisfied till she checked a few others and performed one final exchange to realize that all her lunch companions as well as the waiters had been staring at her throughout her little exercise.
A group of around fifteen college students were standing outside the locked gates of a small park in a nondescript street. The sidewalk outside the park gate was littered with building material, and was hardly wide enough for all of them and the group overflowed into the street. It was clearly not a place to 'hang out'. They were having an animated discussion, bordering on argument; most of them surrounding two people sitting on bricks who formed the focal point and a few others having more private discussions. Must have been intriguing for anyone passing by.

Following my own advice...

2005-07-29T23:01:00.000+05:30

I happened to come across something I'd written a while ago. For a moment, it felt like somebody else had penned it down. I'm still dealing with the same issues (god, its a loaded term), but I seem to have had a different take on them. Its funny how I thought all that and forgot all about it! Happily enough, I think I'm heading in the right direction. Just what I needed.

Picking up where I left off

2005-06-16T20:28:00.000+05:30

Ever since my exams ended, which despite my tone was only two weeks ago, I’ve been in my taking-one-day-at-a-time mode. Putting it this way is a perfectly good excuse for doing nothing. I read. I watch movies. I play Civ III.

However, I can claim to have made some observations. I have come to realize that though I love reading, my taste in books is not as wide as I might have thought it was. My range could be narrowed down to sci-fi, fantasy and humour. And I can be obsessive in the way I gulp down books by an author once I’ve read any one. (I’m on Christopher Brookmyre right now)

My correspondence isn’t consistent ‘cause I hate staring at a blank screen and realizing that I might not have anything going on in my life. This is probably true of why I haven’t been blogging. I had much more to say when I was (learning how to) programming and had no real social life. Apparently, productivity, i.e working on something I’m good at/interested in, initiates meaningful though processes in me.

My Civ III game-play is testament to my need to micro-manage and inability to carry ideas to their completion.

Oh, and I watch way too much Friends. Another sign of my obsessiveness. Every second thing reminds me of something that happened in Friends, or something Calvin or Hobbes said, or the spin Terry Pratchett put on it. And I have to stop myself from expanding on that list.

Anyway, its good to have got all that out. I might, just might, be inspired enough to do stuff. But I have to admit to myself that the last two weeks have been nice enough. It went off smoothly, with very minimal “What am I doing with my life?” angst. Two weeks of almost nothing after a month and a half of extended exam time and just before a family shaadi in Delhi and college re-opening isn’t that big a crime.

The best C&H site, ever!

2005-04-22T20:46:00.000+05:30

Kpowerinfinity's latest post sent me right back to Calvin and Hobbes at Martijn's. It was shut down some time ago (stupid copyright reasons!) and there's just one page left standing as a memorial. It was one of those rare sites that achieve perfection in terms of content, design and passion. The site really initiated me into the world of C&H.

Oh and I WANT this:

The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

Zindagi Khwab Hai

2005-04-10T22:18:00.000+05:30

Its raining heavily and I'm happy. Not excited. Not that content. Just at peace, filhaal.
Like this song:

Dil ne humse jo kaha, humne vaisa hi kiya
Phir kabhi phursat se sochenge...
Bura tha ya bhala

Zindagi khwab hai,
Kwab main, Jhoot kya
Aur bhala sach hai kya

Artist: Mukesh
Lyrics: Shailendra
Jaagte Raho (1956)

Water under the Bridge

2005-04-02T00:39:00.000+05:30

The New Financial Year!

2005-04-01T18:15:00.000+05:30

Resolution(s):

I need to keep track of the money I spend. Money seems to flow in from my parents and then flows out of my pockets. Only I'm more acutely aware of the latter phenomenon.
I will suffeciently prepare for the upcoming exams. (Ha! This is a standard resolution. I'll be positively beaming the day I actually do this)

Just discovered:

Gmail finally has rich text formatting!

Looking forward to:

My brother moving out if he gets into FTII. Gods be merciful!

Obsessed with:

Pappu Yaar by Junoon. I feel like screaming this a lot!

April Fools Day! I'm well out of it...

2005-04-01T18:05:00.000+05:30

I'm at home. So I'm well out of this April Fool's Day madness. :)

Answers you don't want...

2005-04-01T18:02:00.000+05:30

I behave like Charlie Brown sometimes.

2005-03-15T23:48:00.000+05:30

This blog is in collaboration with Rock 'n Roll.

**Any resemblance with a person living is absolutely not coincidental and evidently intended. **
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

College is not like what they show in movies. No sudden go-aheads from parents to live your life your way. No college radio dedicated to gossip and the occasional basketball match. No lounging around with a group of friends all day (read: bunking; Its all relative) in a classy canteen. No chances to fool an absent-minded professor. No distinct groups of people: one hot snobby girl and her entourage, the stud and his group, the class clown, the tomboyish girl playing basketball, the spectacled naïve padhaku (male or female; the sucker who actually attends classes in the college) and the black-leather wearing villain and his group. No love in the air, magnetically bringing couples (make that people) together.

So said the principal of St Stephens in a speech I read before I applied to colleges. [Not in so many words. Not in these words. Strictly my interpretation, but this was his broad drift.]

Now that I’ve been in college for some time, I can comment. Sure, they are no classy canteens with students in Manish Malhotra creations; such infrastructure was never expected. Studying, at least attending classes, is unfortunately part of the deal. Absent-minded professors are in very short supply – they always remember that they kicked you out last class. And frankly, black leather is suicide in the summer (or winter, for that matter) in Calcutta.

But love is definitely in the air. Kind of contagious, too. On the surface, there don’t seem to be that many couples around – moving around in groups has its advantages. There doesn’t seem to be that much drama either. But look a little closer (really, not that much observation is required) and there are movie plots playing themselves out! There are so many love stories in potentia, so to speak, as it were, quote unquote. Of course real life is stranger than fiction. So, though the traditional love triangle is still popular; it’s upgraded, in many cases, to higher geometrical structures. There are multi-tasking girls, instead of Archie/Raj/Rahul clones, spoilt for choice. There are some not-thought-through and rather premature proposals resulting in threats. There are messages of "Tell him I love so-and-so" being relayed by friends. There are the time-honoured warring girl and boy, who have a soft spot for each other.

There’s just so much to sort out at one go. This was just a teaser and there’s going to be more. It’s fun to be the observer. It might even be fun for those who can read between the lines or know the particulars of what I’m talking about.

Update: Mr Mittra - The Elderly One, (Again, by his demand) Supreme Knower Of All, Been There Everywhere - demands due recognition for some of his input here. Here you go!

Update (Again): Mr Mittra would rather have me replace "by his demand" to "by public demand". Yeah right!

2005-02-04T22:00:00.000+05:30

I want to give you
something I've made

some words on a page - as if
to say "Here are some blue beads"

or, "Here's a bright red leaf I found on
the sidewalk" (because

to find is to choose and choice
is made)

Denise Levertov

My friend asked me why people blog and I didn't do a very good job of articulating my feelings. This is just so well put and I've felt like this at times.

Spring Saga

2005-01-26T11:30:00.000+05:30

You know when people ascribe the phrase ".... an experience I shall never forget" to a series of events and you just don't get what the big deal is? I think I can finally understand.

Sometimes it's a potent permutation of old friends and new friends, long walks and long talks, unrelenting music and impromptu dancing, stretches of green trees and stretches of computers, the warm winter sun and the cold serene moon...

I was at the IIT Kharagpur Spring Fest! And I must state the obvious here: it was an experience I shall never ever forget. There's only so much I can do to stop myself from bobbing my head and going "...we had fun! We had fun!" I am yet to get over it and for good reason.

Everything lined up perfectly. Even though it didn't seem like that at the time.

First and foremost, I was allowed to go. No pleading. No fuss. My first time out with friends, no parents and teachers involved.

We rushed out of the train on to a platform we recognized at the last possible moment as Kharagpur. The clean cold air carried this sense of anticipation. IIT's main building shimmered on the horizon, its presence absolute and reassuring. The campus, itself, consisted of sweeps of concrete and green, in perfect harmony.

The craziness caught on...

I slept about an average of 2½ hours per day.

Exploring in the woods, Head&Shoulders, TimelessClassic, DeepBlueSea and me! Struggling with branches, singing Gazab Ka Hai Din, thinking of every horror movie where you cursed the characters for venturing into unknown territory and then getting lost (Take a bow, DeepBlueSea). Collectively transforming rumbling loudspeaker sounds into roars, making helpful suggestions like “Run!” (DeepBlueSea again) and examining every trampled branch to find our way back. Scaring the hell out of our other friends by telling them that DeepBlueSea aka Jinx broke her foot and the camera failing when the task of capturing their anxious faces presented itself.

I, along with DeepBlueSea, shed off all forms of nagging scruples. I managed to steer clear of all my fellow college mates with whom I didn’t want to hang out with, but had to be civil to.

Meeting up with WhyAmIStillSingle? for a cup of coffee resulted in having to be sneaked into SF's main enclosure and into the open air auditorium for Parikrama. Chanting Sarre Jahan Se Achcha, being played on electric guitar, after a heartfelt chanting of We don't Need No Education?! Shifting seats till Parikrama seems to be performing for us personally.

Footloose, WhyAmIStillSingle?, TimelessClassic and me at lunch: 50 minutes of talking and 10 minutes of actual eating.

I do not remember making my way through any line. I remember being passed off as faculty members’ kids, as participants, as IIT students. I remember hurrying along deserted roads looking for a safe place to climb over the wall; DeepBlueSea takes off her borrowed heels, as she’s lagging behind, and just then a guard notices us, cycles ahead, and looms on the horizon ominously. We slow down, apprehensive and tired. And he states with a straight face, “Wahan se kudiyega. Ladkiyan hain. Aasani hogi”!

Again the FootTappingFour at the Strings concert. Alternating between yapping and imaginative impromptu dancing - sitting down, standing up, balancing on tops of seats, making our contribution to the sea of stars of mobiles and suddenly falling back to stare at the blue tinted sky. (During this whole deal, DeepBlueSea was deep in conversation with Mr.RockTrivia…sheesh…)

If we had any worries, we danced them away.

The only moment of frustration that (I care to) remember was at the fashion parade, when I was at the edge of the group and was contemplating lining the heads of everyone on my right perfectly and then firing off a shotgun, letting the same bullet shoot through all their heads! Though this Chain Shotgun Massacre idea did eventually slip out of my mind…

‘Twas a Wodehousian world I was in – the kind that is personified in light Hindi musicals. Not a care in the world! Friends, laughter and music. Being able to burst into song and dance sequences, including the Ross-Monica dance with Head&Shoulders, anywhere whether in broad daylight or in the middle of the night. Climbing trees, doing all kinds of nautanki, taking personality tests together (Footloose, DeepBlueSea and me are “super cool flirts”, by the way), riding (and singing along) on the handlebar of a cycle (yaar, that took effort; Gramophone you have some stamina), talking and singing and talking…

Besides all the fervour, there were these surreal moments. Lounging on the top of a silver, sloping roof, six stories high on a chilly night…When I first stood on its edge, I was overpowered. There was nothing between the heavens and me; all my vision contained was the high ridges of the roof and empty space rolling beyond its edge. Amusingly enough though, there was Suicide/SuicidalTendenciesPersonified, living up to his name, Footloose playing Snakes on his mobile and ManChild sleeping on the roof to keep me grounded.

This was the world of my dreams. Not having to answer to anyone. Being in great company. Losing inhibitions. By the end, these words kept ringing in my head…

Dhul gayi hai ruh lekin dil ko yeh ehsaas hai
Yeh saadgi chand lamhon ko hi mere saath hai
Phaaslon ke gard mein yeh saadgi kho jaayegi
Sheher jaake zindagi phir sheher ki ho jaayegi

Wicked ship names!

2005-01-10T21:23:00.000+05:30

A new addition to my list of favourite authors is Iain M. Banks and his Culture series.

His form of science fiction is quite different from what I'm accustomed to. I consider this element in sci-fi necessary: Asking "What if... (so and so is invented or such a situation occurs in the immediate/far-away future?" and spinning a story around it. Take Asimov; robots and the technology behind them formed the crux of his stories. The explanation of some technology and its possible consequences always takes up a sizeable portion of science fiction. But with Banks, this is actually played down. There is no technology but this world that is never fully explained. More importantly, the human drama is handled beautifully.

But more, much more than that. Check out his wackiness! These are names of intelligent, sentient ships. Read them as names of warships and you'll know what I mean.

All Through With This Niceness And Negotiation Stuff ROU
Someone Else's Problem
Lacking That Small Match Temperament
Poke It With A Stick GCU
I Said, I've Got A Big Stick ROU
Hand Me The Gun And Ask Me Again
But Who's Counting?
Germane Riposte
We Haven't Met But You're A Great Fan Of Mine
All The Same, I Saw It First
Ravished By The Sheer Implausibility Of That Last Statement
Zero Credibility
Charming But Irrational
Demented But Determined
You May Not Be The Coolest Person Here
Lucid Nonsense
Awkward Customer
Thorough But ... Unreliable
Advanced Case Of Chronic Patheticism
Another Fine Product From The Nonsense Factory
Conventional Wisdom
In One Ear
Fine Till You Came Along
I Blame The Parents
Inappropriate Response
A Momentary Lapse Of Sanity
Lapsed Pacifist
Reformed Nice Guy
Pride Comes Before A Fall
Injury Time
Now Look What You've Made Me Do!
Kiss This Then

ROU = Rapid Offensive Unit
GCU = General Contact Unit
GSV = General Service Vehicle
LSV = Limited Service Vehicle
VFP = Very Fast Picket (also dROU - demilitaraized ROU)
Superlifter = Very very fast
These are from a throw-away conversation from Look to Windward which consists entirely of ship-names being tossed around...

Power of Music

2005-01-09T22:46:00.000+05:30

I am always amazed the way music can affect. Your emotions can resonate with a song; it can take you for a ride. And you can’t always point out what moved you. Was it the melody, the rhythm, the lyrics? Did it evoke some association that eludes your conscious thinking? Some songs so strongly remind me of certain people or situations that they seem to provoke equally powerful sentiments.

Did you ever feel that way? As if somebody found the keys to your consciousness and decided to play heavy tones of depression, sharp notes of desperation, soft refrains of nostalgia and a racy tune of high spirits? Was listening to Naach. I could taste the searing ambition in my mouth in Saara Saara. More than that, a sense of sadism, masochism, longing and futility has found its way in Makarand Deshpande’s rendition of Rakht Ka Hai, that is rousing in me uneasy fascination.

Consuming Coffee

2005-01-07T22:39:00.000+05:30

My first proper purchase of the year was the January Edition of National Geographic (Are my consumerist tendencies showing by the act of giving such importance to a purchase?) that proclaims to know “Why we love Caffeine”.

And I have to admit it was the delicious-looking cup of coffee on the cover and the magic word Caffeine that prompted the purchase. More than that I am drinking (what can be considered to be a small shot) of cappuccino as I write this. If you’re thinking, “…an inclination for the dramatic?” I’d agree. Heck, if I had a song about coffee that I liked I’d be probably be listening to that instead of Teri mehfil mein qismat azmakar from Mughal e Azam. Digressions aside, I love my boosts of caffeine and I enjoyed the total of five sips of coffee I just had. The world seems to feel the same too. I wouldn’t have put my bet on it as the world’s most popular mood-altering and habit-forming drug, but that’s just because I don’t think of it as a drug. Oh, the deviousness of associations!

Though it expresses concern for heavy caffeine users it also attributes possible alleviation of pain, asthma symptoms, migraine headaches and jet lag to moderate amounts of caffeine. Actually, the article is quite balanced on its take on caffeine consumption. Its no doctor’s crusade against tea and coffee and no Starbucks (or rather Barista) campaign to present coffee as an elixir of life. It empathizes and understands our attachment with caffeine. Yet it throws up information (and pictures) that if you pay attention to will make you want to maybe cut down a little.

But the catch is that even as you (or I) drink in that article, or any similar one, your predilection towards your favourite caffeine delivery system probably won’t wear off. (Digressing, is this how chain-smokers react? With complete antipathy towards facts?) Unless you experience some of its attributed side effects, that is. Even then it is hard to let go. My dad did alter his caffeine pattern. He realized that the combination of tea and milk caused acidity, so he switched to liquor tea, dragging me with him. Not that it was involuntary; just that pouring out a cup whenever he made tea was too much of a habit, at the time, to break.

Which is my point! Whenever I have to sit down and concentrate on something (read: study) coffee sets the mood. It’s more the ritual, the going through the motions of consumption, than anything else. I used to leave cups untouched until I realized the effectiveness of one small (but hot) dose (sipped slowly). The presence of a hot steaming cup, with its characteristic smell, focuses my attention towards the task at hand. And when I was in the office, like everybody else, I depended on two cups of machine-spewed coffee a day. It wasn’t a taste explosion, but ‘twas better than nothing.

I declare myself as a low to medium caffeine user; I don’t have pills, energy drinks or even cold drinks and I’ll take my risk. I’m not forgoing my cup of coffee no matter what Jack James says. Would you?

In retrospect, I seem to be too attatched to this coffee business.

Diwali?!

2004-11-13T13:35:00.000+05:30

Yawn…How come everybody’s still at home?

Shouldn’t all my aunts be haranguing the servants about everybody’s tiffin and brunch, right about now? Oh well, I’m sure they’ll find something to kick up a fuss about…

Hey! Dad’s still at home; I can talk away till lunch! Hmmm…He never bunks office…oh who cares! Better go capture him…

Mithai…

Why on earth is mummy bent on making sure I bathe and wash my hair? I’m sick and its not as if I’m going anywhere.

Niku bhaiya’s camped in front of the TV…shouldn’t he be at the showroom?

Papa…I was just wondering….

(sound of gears clicking in place)

Ohhhh its Diwali!

(laughter in background)

Routine

2004-11-11T17:22:00.000+05:30

Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success... ...Flat stretches of boring routine... ...And valleys of frustration and failure.

Calvin

What more can I say? Life's been following that very sequence; only the stretches seem more familiar right now and the summits and valleys simply short abrupt breaks. Infact, contemplating about them too much, momentarily unsettles me out of my comfortable no-brainer life and I'm lost again...till I quickly shake my head, like a kid putting away bad thoughts, and continue down the same path.

That Elusive Puja Spirit

2004-10-25T09:38:00.000+05:30

Durga puja has officially come and gone, but the city of Calcutta still reels from the effect. Was it the blessing of the extended weekend (so long that it no longer qualifies as one)? Was it the month long shopping sprees? Or was it that elusive spirit of the pujas?

Alas, I have never caught that fever and despite my best efforts I cannot understand it. Maybe the phenomenon of my birthday invariably falling during the Pujas creates some kind of resentment to the effect of ... The pujas steal the show! It rains on my parade! ... And so on.

This year, however, I had guessed (rather correctly) that my birthday would go quite smoothly; more that 5 people remembered it, the cake was delicious as was my birthday lunch, I received a C&H book and Isha set me up to receive 19 birthday sms' from 19 strangers which kept me guessing the whole day. Such irrelevant facts aside, I decided to look into the matter. Was I missing something magical about the Pujas?

I optimistically accepted an invitation to go pandal hopping with some classmates. One myth was discarded even before the evening began; the Pujas is not a sufficient excuse for daughters to stay out late (More about this later…). Two very ordinary pandals, one candyfloss and a giant wheel ride later my company decided to sit down in Maddox Square, like everyone else seemed to be doing, and that is where it struck me. Most people sitting down seemed either bored or perennially looking out for friends and chance acquaintances. On the faces of a few of people including mine, seemed to linger a question: Is it time? Is this where I’ll have fun?

Of course the opportunity for many people to booze, dope and generally smoke the nights away with a group of well-stacked individuals did not fail to occur to me. This thought has also occurred to many fathers like mine who understandably disagree with the legend of “Even the strictest of parents let their wards off into the night during the Pujas”. I sighted this guy with an iron grip on his daughters’ wrist. I discussed the issue with my father and I’m convinced by his arguments. If they’re not allowed to stay up all night, away from their parent’s (or family’s) protective gaze, they won’t be allowed now of all times.

Family get-togethers are a strict no-no for me. But I did manage to go pandal-hopping with my joint family twice. The first time around was in the evening and I came only at the behest of my father. The crowds swarmed and suffocated me, the loudspeakers blared, drivers used their horns indiscriminately, drums beat on my eardrums, all coming together in a magnificent cacophony. At one particular pandal, my dad and me ditched our company at the end of an infinitely long line and escaped. Our souls are jarred by similar things.

The second family outing was on a more auspicious time of day: 4 am. The excitement of waking up so early, driving through Calcutta, seeing the crowds disperse with the first rays of morning did get to me. And I have to admit a lot of the pandals I saw that day were remarkable; there’s no doubting that a lot of effort and thought went into them. But I wouldn’t have enjoyed them with my fingers in my ears and people pushing me around.

Will I ever catch or even understand the Puja spirit? That remains to be seen. But I shall reconcile myself to the festive season. Even when I have a sufficiently large group of like-minded friends I won’t go pandal-hopping with them. We’ll get together somewhere and talk; the grounds of a pandal are too noisy for that. I’ll organize an early-morning family outing and appreciate the aesthetic value of the choicest of pandals. Till then I’ll subtly transmit this message to all my friends: Give precedence to the pujas over my birthday, and die!

The Chungking Express

2004-09-28T22:40:00.000+05:30

I shall be seeing a wide range of films in the next three years and many, I fear, will be like Chungking Express. I shall have to reconcile myself to the absence of elements I take for granted otherwise i.e coherence and meaning. For the sake of my own sanity, I shall have to treat certain films like dreams; not bother to look for purpose nor ask silly questions like "Where is this going?!" Alas, such old habits are not broken easily and I would truly appreciate due warning on the lines of "Remember Chungking Express? This is like that..."

Following is my thoughts on this ...ugh, words fail me... wierd, boring, tortuous movie; which I have to collect for a discussion the next class.

The first viewing of The Chungking Express reveals a film with a mix of unconventional narrative structure, parallel as well as consecutive stories, repetition of certain songs, fast camera movements with the attitude of "Who cares where this is going?" that can leave the unsuspecting audience member dazed, rattled and generally scrambling to get off the ride.

The second viewing might help better appreciate the technical aesthetics of the film. The spectrum of colours, the camera cutting through cramped spaces and the various locations portrayed the sheer vastness of the Big City in the global world that its residents might not truly comprehend. The camera shakes, vision blurs and the world flies by during scrambles and chases, immersing the audience in the experience.

The bad aftertaste, though, might be the result of an overdosage of California Dreaming, characters that move in mysterious ways and the void created by lack of purpose. The film starts with promise, splashing glimpses of the main characters of the first story, but feelings of exasperation set in. The entire movie is akin to a dream, held together by delicate threads of reason, zipping through and lingering in parts.

Chugking Express undoubtedly breaks traditions of film-making and deserves to be recognized for it. On the other hand, it may make an audience member recognize the importance of oft taken for granted elements, like plot.

Analysing Relationships

2004-09-21T18:50:00.000+05:30

One of the best topics to tease friends about is the opposite sex (or the same, it depends). It also makes for lengthy analysis'.

The last few years have been pretty dry in that sense, and now I'm back in business! Ah, the pleasure to be derived from picking up a nascent relationship and teasing the hell out of a friend about it.

Also over-analysing it. The friend may either join in or get embarrased; either way its fun. This timepass probably wins over self-analysis (personality tests, zodiac sign descriptions and the kind). It covers airing and forming your opinions on acquaintances, following the course of various hypothetical situations, making predictions...simply designed to appeal to the human flair for drama and gossip.

Just Seven Days

2004-09-14T21:57:00.000+05:30

Its been seven days since college started, but that seems so long ago. No more ragging incidents (I couldn't find green pants but the jury let me be). I've been hanging out with A and R so much, that the phrase A coined - The Three MustBeWierds seems more apt everyday! Just the other day, someone asked me and A where our third companion was.

By the way, this is once where I'm not sure whether I should mention the names of my friends on my Blog. I realize I've provided enough subtle clues here for someone to place me; I'm hesitating to talk too much about my friends, but they figure majorly in my life.

Anyway, It seems as if I've known these guys for so long. Its uncanny the way I've fitted in with them. At times, making friends can be really tedious for me, and then on others it just happens with one click of my fingers.

Ragging and so on...

2004-09-07T23:03:00.000+05:30

College life just hit me like a blast of cold water. I love it!

The second year's rounded us up after the inaugral function, on Saturday, for the inevitable ragging. Pretty decent ragging, though; mostly just a little public embarasment. After volunteering to introduce myself first, I happily realized that they were just getting into the spirit of the whole thing and that they had forgotten about me, so I happily watched the tamasha from the edge. It is funnier when it happens to other people.

Our only order for today was a dress code: pink-green for girls and white shirt, black pants, black tie for guys; oh and a wierd salute where the guys would have to hold their crotch and declare "This is my gun, This is my fun..."

My class has no desks.
We have no text books.
I like the canteen.
I struck it off with two very interesting guys.
After a double-class of Media Theory, one free hour and lunch break, all classes were declared off.
Just missed getting ragged by the third-year's.
I took off to a movie-hall, came back because the movie wasn't on, listened to songs in PlanetM, pretended to be prospective employees at Pizza Hut, spent another hour in college before I headed back home.
I've had so many interesting conversations in the day that my brain's having problems sorting it all out.

I feel like I'm in a MacDonald ad saying "I'm loving it!" And I am, I am, I am!

Is modh se jaate hain...

2004-08-29T11:01:00.000+05:30

Is soch mein baithi hoon
Ek raah to woh hogi
Tum tak jo pahunchti hai
Is modh is jaati hai

Gulzar

Most of my daydreams, and this might be true for a lot of people, take place in an alternate universe where I and my significant others might be different, our situations might be different. But what I really yearn for is to have all of that from where I am right now. I don't really want to go back in time or sacrifice my life in this world for a more customized dreamworld. Ek raah to woh hogi...is modh se jaati hai

Taking the Plunge

2004-08-29T00:00:00.000+05:30

I have enrolled in Mass Com, Xaviers. What was suprising was that it all happened very easily. I even got in Eng Hons. So, I am in the only college I wanted in Calcutta and the only fly in my pot is that Isha didn't get in. To have my best friend with me would have been umm... perfection. Somehow, the thought of leaving office in a week isn't troubling me that much anymore. I voted for college life and I know I'll have to take my chances. Besides, I don't think programming as a career option will be lost to me. Better not to rush into a career without having your share of fun.

Four steps behind taking the plunge.

Associations

2004-08-28T18:22:00.000+05:30

Maana ke mushte khaakh se badh kar nahin hoon main,
Lekin hava ke rehmo karam pe bhi nahin hoon main

A New Template

2004-08-22T23:26:00.000+05:30

I thought the old one didn't go well with my posts and well I got bored with it. Blue's one of my favourite colours; its cool, soothing, unobstructive and has associations of technology and quiet intelligence.

PS: If anyone has an idea of why my last post shows a huge gap between the text and table, let me know...

Wish List - My Preoccupation with Technology

2004-08-21T18:28:00.000+05:30

My blog has increasingly becoming a reflection of my current preoccupation with technology. But then if I was reading a lot of books I'd be talking about that. Right now I work in a Software comany and I visit Cnet a lot and you get my drift.

Maybe I can infer that I have stopped thinking, but I don't really believe that. My major personal characteristic is over-thinking. If I walk from one side from my apartment to the other doing certain things on the way, my mind's usually thinking which order of actions would take the least time. But that's irrelevant. I analyse, and I don't think I've stopped doing that.

So here is my wishlist of products I've heard well of and I'd love to own. By the way, I'm dabbling in tables here. I hope it shows up well.

	Sony Ericcson K700i I like PDA cum phones like the Sony Ericcson P900, but I really don't need one, the novelty would wear off and I'd be left with a cool gadget that I don't use much and doesn't fit in my jean's pocket. This smartphone would be perfect for me. I like candybar style phones, it has decently-sized colour display, bluetooth, infrared, integrated camera, good sound quality, polyphonic ringtones, tri-band support, email access, calendar and games! I changed my mind about T616, this is an improvement on it, it has 32 MB memory compared to T616's 2 MB, a better display, a better camera and FM radio. Details here...
	Apple iPod (40GB, 4th Gen) The ultimate mp3 player! Refer to somehing I said before - Why Ipod? Or Cnet's Review. I'll keep all my music on it and constantly bug my friends to contribute more towards that end. Since I'm given to carrying my backpack around this will find its permanent residence there. Though I will have to buy this case and remote and dock...
	Power Mac G5 A dual 2.0 Ghz processor in this machine is capable of outperforming a "similarly configured Dell Precision 650 Workstation running dual 3.06-GHz Xeon processors" (PC Magazine). I'd want the Dual 2.5GHz, 8GB RAM model! It's truly remarkable, from its 20" LCD display to the 1.1 USB ports in the keyboard to being Airport Extreme ready to its ATI Radeon 9800 XT (256MB of DDR SDRAM) graphics card and Mac OS X Panther. Bring it on!

Happiness is…

2004-08-17T18:26:00.000+05:30

Missing tennis classes for a day.
Reading Gone With the Wind.
Studying on the eve of a test with a friend and doing well.
Meeting a promising guy.
Having coffee with a friend and finding the comfy couch in the café empty.
Finding exactly the books you need in the library including one that you were on the verge of buying (Professional C#- 2^nd Edition)
Being able to hear Gulzar's voice in your head while reading his poetry.
Having a blog to chronicle a good day.
Finding your blog ad-free.

Thought Provoking Comics

2004-08-15T18:40:00.000+05:30

Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller

2004-08-15T18:36:00.000+05:30

Calvin & Hobbes by Bill Watterson

Commercializing Death

2004-08-14T23:49:00.000+05:30

Do newspapers have no taste or decency? I do not wish to see Dhananjoy Chatterjee hogging the front page day after day. HT really took the cake, today, by practically dedicating the front page to him. The man is going to die, for crying out loud. If you think people like reading about every grim detail about a man due to be exectuted, atleast put it in some page inside.

Remember, Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani? The movie had this situation that TV broadcasters were allowed to give a live telecast of a hanging and they advertized and did all sorts of inane things like interviewing the hangman, asking him what the name of his wife was and holding a competition. I pooh-poohed the idea at the time, but now I think the media might be capable of it. Only instead of being cheery, as portrayed in the movie, they'll be grim and revel in every gory, graphic detail, no matter where they stand on the issue. And their audience will only see either the drama of someone's life hanging by the thread and the power of being able to cut it, or a fashionably popular (read: controversial) cause to hold to their hearts.

PS: This was written earlier. Chatterjee has expired.

Presenting.....The Benq Joybee 150

2004-08-14T18:13:00.000+05:30

UPDATED

I picked up this fine device from my showroom Thursay night and I am its sole owner till Monday morning. Since I have to generate a review I might as well write one here. This post will be a work in progress, so feel free to critisize.

Before I actually take this review head-on, I'm going to indulge in noting down some pros and cons.

Pros:
1. Wonderfully Compact. Fits in the palm of my hand and I have small hands.
2. Good sound quality. Could hear every beat in every A.R.Rahman song. (Ok fine; in Yuva). And it handled all those songs, where even my deck gets a bit screechy, wonderfully.
3. Recharchable battery.
4. Long battery life. Used it the whole day in the office and it showed no signs of wearing out. Official battery life is 8 hours and I can believe it.
5. MP3 and WPA player. FM radio with 30 presets. Voice Recorder (in mp3). Line in recorder (ditto). Removable Drive. Can read .txt files. Need I say more?
6. Actually I do. Cool blue backlight!
7. Lots of accessories. Remote controller, Leather pouch, Indian and american plug points for charger, another larger bag.

Cons:
1. Cannot browse menu while playing a song.
2. No Hold button.
3. Cannot make playlists on the go.
4. Headphone cord without remote is too short.

Ah, Sunday!

2004-08-11T21:32:00.000+05:30

(Written some time on Wednesday)

Rather late in the week to write about a Sunday well spent; but then it might be good for the soul to remenince mid-week.

I didn't have Saturday off, cause Monday was a strike. I didn't even realize it! On Friday, I was dimly aware of conversations behind me going, "Oh, yes, tommorow is a holiday. Only we're all having it in the office!" The fact that it applied to me too, only registered when my dad woke me up the next day. I did the noble thing by shifting my appointment with my eye-doctor (oculist is it?), my only excuse for not attending; which means my eyes are going to be blurry over the next weekend.

Anyway, I decided I had to make up for the loss and happily enough I did, even though I didn't think I would. Talked on the phone with Swati on Saturday night. Convinced her to come see a movie with me. Come Sunday, we watched some Friends episodes (I got a few borrowed Best of Friends DVD's!) over lunch. Went to see Laws of Attraction at Inox. Had a hot chocolate-chip cookie at Biscotti. It's becoming a tradition with me: Movie at Inox means Half a cookie (I can't eat a whole by myself) at Biscotti!

The movie was a nice, light romantic comedy and I really didn't expect any more. Julliane Moore and Pierce Brosnan looked good together and pulled off the witty banter. New York and Ireland (What a castle!) were beatuifully picturized, especially New York in the opening credits. Actually, I like Brosnan better in this movie than any of his Bond ones. He seems some human here.

Ended up at CottonWorld as I always do. I love their brand of cool, sober, loose-fitting clothes.

In the evening I went out with Mummy, which was unusual as the both of us never go out alone except for shopping, to Pizza Hut and then Wills Sports.

My weekends have never been so much fun. I hardly ever went out with friends in school. Maybe it was because there weren't many places in Calcutta to go to, or maybe it was school itself, or maybe it was because I saw them everyday anyway. It still takes an effort to get my friends together, but now its more worth it.

Needed. People my Age

2004-08-08T17:55:00.000+05:30

I like going to the office and I genuinely like the organization, but after talking to Isha on Saturday I realized I miss being around people me (or around) my age!

I am the youngest in the office, but its really not as bad as it could have been since I think the average age (leaving out he administration) is 25. The thing is I look too young! I'm 18 going on 19 and people don't believe it. Which is probabhly why I carry my old school ID card (it has my birth-date) in my wallet and proudly sport the black mark on my nail that proves I voted. My usual consolation is that I'll look appropriately young when I'm 30. No...I'm digressing. I am my age and I can't be content to surround myself with people way elder to me.

Anyway, I think I'll join German language classes in Max Mueller Bhavan with Swati. That will definitely give me some exposure to the world of well...people like me, or atleast me age.

Losing Time a.k.a Four Days of Office Life

2004-08-06T21:57:00.000+05:30

The title is misleading. I do not mean to imply that my loss of time is a direct result of attending office. This phenomenon, to the best of my memory, has been taking place ever since I passed out of school (Ah, how wonderful was/is that!). With distinct timetables and the necessity to remember certain dates (read: tests) memories of day-to day events were just better organized.

Now, just after the boards I did nothing and nothing happened to me. It seemed natural not to be able to distinguish one day from the other.

Software classes did make life less blurry (not to mention reminded me of my duty towards the world of computing; I exaggerate; and uplifted me from the dregs of boredom; I exaggerate not.)

Now (again) I'm working 9-6 in an office, 5 days a week but my sense of time remains distorted, or rather off-balance. When and for how long I performed a particular task I can't say for sure. Sometimes it’s hard to explain what I did at the end of the day.

This state of affairs isn't disturbing, just puzzling. I do not want the ever-nagging tension of near-boards school. I suppose I'm suffering from a kind of jet lag that I will undoubtedly recover from. Time shall have new signposts, other than ringing bells.

Why iPod?

2004-07-30T20:46:00.000+05:30

Some time back I was asked why anyone would buy an iPod. And I must say, I wasn't very convincing. The first argument that popped up in my head was, "Because its so cool !" For one thing, I've never used one. But after countless feeds of Chip, Digit (stopped reading that now) and CNET.com, I seem to ardently believe that iPod is the mp3 player to possess. An example of effective hype and product placement, probably.

What I know about the iPod for sure is that it looks good, has enormous capacity, can be effectively used as a portable hard-disc, possess a well sized LCD screen, can display ID3 tags, create playlists and so on. AND is very expensive (especially in the Indian market).

What I've heard is that it has very good sound quality (but the effect is best experienced in headphones better than the bundled ones), backlight is good, buttons are very responsive, transfering files from the computer is very very fast, battery life is average (though the new models have improved on that), it lacks FM but add-ons are available, and has a cult fan following.

Practically,

I for one will probably never have a music collection spread over 20-40 Gb and sadly enough, considering I don't have money to throw away, I cannot justify the cost of an iPod.

The Creative Rhomba LX100/LX200 (CNET review) would probably be more than adequate. It has a cool blue LCD, can display ID3 tags, 128-256 MB is enough, a FM player is just what I'd adore, its small, uses the USB interface (I love USB; one of the most convenient technologies) and it has a Lithion-ion battery (read: rechargable; also on my list of favourite technologies) that gives 10-12 hours. I think it costs around 9500 Rs. Actually, a FM enabled mobile, my present one is not so, would probably meet my music needs; but I don't want to be that practical.

Ideally,

I have lusted after a GMail account in the past and I can atleast dream about this. What can I say, I like gizmos. For all those who would question this too, I can say that people buy (or want) stupid camera phones (even though they've never taken any interest in photography and quality of pictures is mediocre at best) all the time. The majority of my critics being in this category, usually shut up. And if the reviewers are to be believed the iPaq is a quality player; and I've always wanted to own an Apple product (brand image again).

PS: I like thinking like this. practically (though my practicalism always has a touch of idealism) and ideally. Then I can choose one way to go depending on the circumstances and my mood.

PPS: Completely (except this post script and the pics) written on my iPaq! I can barely contain my glee.

New toys to Play and Work with

2004-07-30T19:58:00.000+05:30

My father bought these two, second hand at 10,000 Rs, and they have been duly handed over to me to use and give feedback! My obvious favourite is the iPAQ and most of my blog entries now on will have been written on it. I have taken out my laptop to sync with these, ( my PC right now keeps hanging and is only capable of accessing the internet and playing games) and I'm using it to log on the net after a long time. I will post their reviews here later on. Yeah!

Compaq iPAQ h3800 | Palm Vx

Bored at Home

2004-07-28T11:28:00.000+05:30

After a long time, I'm spending weekdays at home. My classes are over and I'm going to be shifted to a live project by next week. I enjoyed lazying around at home during the weekends, when there was something to do for the rest of the week. Now, I feel drugged. I'm not initiating anything new. My day-dreams seem like reruns of movies, that I've seen too often. This is a usual state of affair, bought on whenever I feel nothing is going on in my life. It will pass. Till then, a picture that I found suitable, from deviantART.

Time Doesn't Move

Sitting on the Fence

2004-07-20T21:49:00.000+05:30

I've been putting off writing about this, just like I've been putting off thinking about it (and thus coming to a decision). I'm still to reach to decision, but things were put in better perspective, by some of my father's observations. I've better realized what's at stake here.

It's a choice between a full-time job or college life.

I'm straight out of Class XII. I took Science as my stream, just so I could study Computer Science and I didn't do well (put it down to lack of application/interest) except in (you guessed it) Computers and English. Average board marks means my options are limited. And as far as JEE and every other engineering entrance test is concerned, I'm not interested. The less said the better. Before my software classes I had my sights set on Mass Communication in Xaviers and I applied to all the courses I had a shot for and could imagine myself in.

Then, software classes started. Its a free training course in this software company (my father is the major investor there), where they'll absorb the people they find useful. Till now, its been a crash course in SQL, Power Builder, VB and VC# .NET and I've loved it. I'm good at programming. I like the company and I have the chance to work full-time. That means I'll have to join Bhawanipore (read: morning college that needn't be attended) and work 9-5 five days a week.

On the other hand, I'm tempted to give it up for Mass Communication in Xaviers (assuming that I get in). College life, especially in Xaviers, has its own charms. The subject seems so interesting, and there's a good chance that my perspective may get narrowed and my life repetitive if all I do is this job. College is college, yaar.

But if I settle for something less than Mass Comm, I'll be miserable. I don't want to repeat those last two years of school. I don't want to keep regretting the chance I didn't take.

Then again, it might not be that big a sacrifice after all. If I work hard, I might be worth something in the IT world in some years. Or I might apply to the US again and get in, since job experience counts. (Yeah, I applied last year; I need scholarship; the only thing going for me was good SAT scores 1550 and reccomendations; and I still want to try.)

I want to do both! I want college life and do what I like i.e programming. But like Calvin says, "Reality continues to ruin my life."

PS: There's another part about an angry best friend and a seat in Xaviers BBA that I have refused.

Sucker for Personality Tests

2004-07-18T18:00:00.000+05:30

My Bloginality is INFP.

I consider my liking for personality tests a personal eccentricity, a side-effect of my personality, if you will. This test however, struck a cord and gave me a sense of deja vu (god know's why), that I'm powerless to ignore.

PS: One of the fictional INFP's listed here is Calvin!

PPS: Oh, and I got to this test from a link on Basket Case

PPPS: This is me right now...

Saturday Peace

2004-07-17T21:02:00.000+05:30

The day went well.

And I struck the right cord, just as I woke up, by remembering that its a holiday. I do love my classes, but my project was getting (with a little help from me) a bit too complicated.

Isha (read: best friend) found me in the shower when I should have been ready and awaiting her arrival. Can't say I'm sorry, though...I expected her to be late! I guess this evens the score a bit. Thankfully enough we had her car at our displosal today, its too hot and polluted to be self-sufficient and travel in cabs. We killed time at the counselling session in Calcutta University's Alipore campus till Isha got a seat at Xaviers for BBA and I went on the waiting list.

I'm having serious doubts about what route vis-a-vis my education I should take, but that's for another time. The wind blowing thought my room is cool, Windmills of your Mind's playing and my mood not conducive to worrying right now.

We celebrated over coffee in Barista. Cappaccino is the safest bet, anyday, anytime. Slept in the afternoon after a long time and dreamt about Ents lulling me to sleep. Talked to Swati about trivial things, but such an intresting bubbling conversation did those trivialities make.

Went to the library, scaveged in a book cart and found the C# book that I was loking for. Add to that a PG Wodehouse and Non-Zero my book collection was complete.

It might not seem like a particularly eventful day to some, and I fail to describe it well. My dreams were pleasant, each hour rolled into the other, my house was peaceful and the evening breeze was cool. It was one of those Saturdays that I always look forward to at the end of every week.

continuing...Psychotic Chain Mails

2004-07-15T23:29:00.000+05:30

Pyschotic chain mails

2004-07-15T21:02:00.000+05:30

Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you. Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere aol, yahoo, outside of school, anywhere. get ready for the biggest shock of your life. If you break this chain letter you will be cursed with 10 relationship problems for the next ten years. If you send 15ppl this in 15 min you're safe.

I'm so sick of chain mails! Going by the number of such chain mails I've deleted over the 5 odd years I've been on the net, my so-called true love has been lost to me a hundred different times, friends who haven't recieved a copy of some chain mail have realized that I'm not a true friend and basically my life has been a series of accidents and tragedies. Oh woe is me!

Just when I thought I had told everyone, having the slightest tendency to forward chain letters, to keep me off their list...Sigh! Why on earth do they bother?! Nowadays, I tend to make up my mind about someone as soon as he/she sends me a chain letter/forward; just like I judge people by the way their emails/online messages are worded.

I tried to search for this Calvin & Hobbes strip about a chain letter on the net. Unfortunately my major source of C&H stuff has been unmercilessly closed down. But I did find find a lot of stuff about chain letters...

The Ultimate Chain Letter
The Anti-Chain Letter
Chain Letters

Capital Punishment is for Humans; for we are Animals.

2004-07-11T21:38:00.000+05:30

Barkha Dutt was right on We The People, today, when she said that people, expecially women, have a gut-level reaction favouring capital punshment for criminals committing murder and rape. So do I, but I have arguments to back my gut feeling.

Though the fact that the State has the power to take away life is troubling at some level, I do support the cause for capital punishment. I disagree with the entire concept that we are an enlightened society and that crime and punishment is for animals. We are very much animals, not semi-gods. The ground reality is that what keeps people in check is not spirituality but the dissaproval of society and its dire effects.

Keep the moral indignation aside; think utalitarian. Think in terms of safety. There will be no perfect world nor a perfect path to it. You can harp about reformation, but its extremely hard to change people. Its bad enough that a life sentence in India is no life sentence. Fourteen years, not even one and a half decade. If you don't want to kill a criminal, keep him/her off the streets! Don't take the decision of granting a death-sentence lightly, but if you do, carry it out.

Its a cruel joke if after spending so many years to catch a criminal, to get him convicted, to get to a decision, you are told at the point of execution of justice that he's had enough. The human race is responsible for its own actions , no gods shall intervene, and each human needs to be held responsible for his.

Brain Freeze

2004-07-10T10:50:00.000+05:30

Though I definitely prefer what I'm doing now to school life, I have this feeling that I've stopped thinking.

* I haven't read a new book for a long time, just my old favourite ones, especially PGWodehouse (some new, but Plum is always more comfortable and funny than thought-provoking, if you know what I mean).
* I haven't woken up at 6am and had tea/coffee for ages.
* I wake up, go to software class, come back and surf the net and go back to sleep. (All daily functions included, ofcourse).
* I'm getting stuck in a rut. Before I know it I'll be either a working-all-the-time-don't-know-why adult or a bored-housewife. Gosh, that sounds horrible, especially the latter scenario.

Even as I write my brain seems reluctant to process any new thoughts, consider any changes.

There are so many things I could do but I know there's no use making any New Year type resolutions. They never materialize.

I need to get out...of my house and my regular thoughts.

Why We'll Never UnderStand Each Other

2004-07-09T23:55:00.000+05:30

The clash of the sexes has always seemed quite hilarious to me. This book might have some witty observations.

Non Sequitur

2004-07-09T23:39:00.000+05:30

I spent all my time online today looking at (and saving) strips of this comic called Non Sequitur. This has to be one of the most observant and funny comic I have seen since Calvin & Hobbes. And there's this book called Why We'll Never Understand each other. Yeah! Now I know what I want for my birthday (I'm usually rather clueless). I got Calvin & Hobbes 10th Anniversary Book on my 17th birthday and it always cheers me up when I'm down and helps distract me.

The text hasn't come out very clear; thus I shall elucidate.

Non Sequitur - The Philosophical Showdown

Rejoice! Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Repent! This could be your last day.

Dilemma (Sequel to Sharing Code)

2004-07-07T22:53:00.000+05:30

The problem with saying all that I just said is that it makes me feel a bit guilty.

On One Hand...
* I'm being selfish.
* I shouldn't let all this bother me too much. If I'm good at what I do, someone will notice.
* Sharing ideas and solutions is good. Non-zero sum game.

On the Other...
* I can't possibly be selfless?! Concientous, yes.
* Really? Who will? People are not clairvorant.
* Its still a non-zero sum game. My gain is not their loss and vice-verca. Sharing as a non-zero sum game is worth playing only if both sides contribute or as an investment for future returns.

I wish my mind worked a little less like a pendulum. I should stick to one way and stop thinking so much. Ha! Wishful thinking.

Sharing Code

2004-07-07T21:44:00.000+05:30

This has been a problem throughout. Ever since I was introduced to programming through GW Basic and Logo(does it count as a language?) in school and discovered I was the only one in class with any actual interest in the subject; I have hated handing around my coding.
For that matter, I'm not too akin to giving out any kind of material (research, organized History notes, some Lit answer I took an hour to pen down) that I've worked on (usually longer than I should or can afford to). I'm possesive.

Now I know I'm not in school anymore. There is no mad scramble for marks to compete in. But if after an hour or so of brain-storming, trial-and-error and some pure chance (there is always some) you arrive at a code that actually does what you want it to do, and someone else casually walks by and copies it down; you have a right to be indignant. Ok, I might be going a bit far here, but I do have a point. You need to work (read: bang your head against the monitor) on your own code for a decent amount of time before you ask for help, and even more till you have to look at someone else's program. Right?

Another issue. I want to get due recognition for my work. There is no simpler way to put this. Being the only student straight out of school and the youngest I need to be taken seriously.

Actually things might be looking up a bit. This instructor, in contrast to the prior ones, has started questioning why (mostly) everyone's programs contain very similar portions (read: mine and my partner's).

Eiter way I can't refuse to help anyone outright. I'd say "It's not Fair!", but my Dad recently commented that I say that a lot and there's no such thing as "fair".

Coding without example

2004-07-06T21:57:00.000+05:30

I just spend 4 hours trying to figure out C# without any help files, any reference book or a teacher willing to dole out actual syntax. I can't be angry at him the way I used to be with my school computer teachers, because I don't (or rather have no reason to) doubt his programming ability; He's a programmer not a teacher. I just think that though the theory of OOPS, .NET structure, CLS, BLL, etc, etc will give me an idea of how to program effectively, I have to start with simple unadultrated coding. How will I do that without any examples! I'm writhing in agony and confusion when instead of answering in simple English (rather simple code) queries of how to implement an assignment (which by the way he gave the class), the intructor starts another discourse on so-and-so concept. What will I do with concepts if I don't know how to implement them?!

So here I am on the net, summoning my reserves of patience to sift through pages and pages of information to find that prefect tutorial that will show me how to create Windows-based applications using Visual C# .NET. I seem to have found a worthy candidate. Its either this or a trip to the library.

God! Let tommorow be another day.

Why

2004-07-05T17:44:00.000+05:30

I have to write more. I seem to have this nagging feeling that if I did, my life would make more sense, have more purpose. I suppose that's what this blog could be about: An excuse for me to write.

It would actually be safer than writing in some kind of personal diary, which I would invariably leave around the house for someone to find and read. And nobody in my family really browses the net the way I do and wouldn't bother to look here of all places.

There's so much stuff that you want to tell someone or the other, but can't collect your thoughts at that moment. To organize your thoughts and express yourself clearly by talking, by writing, by painting, etc, etc, clears up the clutter in your mind a bit.

Makes sense. Here's to writing (and blogging).

First Post

2004-07-03T15:33:00.000+05:30

I'm not too sure why I've opened an account on Blogger...god knows I'm not aiming to paste all my personal details on the web.
Lets see where this goes.